Why Seek Diversity In Circles.
I know you’ve heard this a million times about the intensity of influence the people around us have on our lives. I’m not here to give another lecture on this generalized stuff. Rather, I’m here to dig more into the dark effects of this.
First things first. What do I mean by circles? Social Circles, to be precise. The kind of people we surround ourselves, whose voices we take into account. So, why is this so significant? When we associate something close to our emotions, if it turns out as pessimistic, we end up in a loop of self-suffering.
Boundaries are so very important. There is a clear line of distinction between a Colleague, Friend, Best Friend & Close Ones. Not everyone we meet are friends & not everyone we regularly interact with are best friends. How do we evaluate them? The answer is very personal & subjective from person to person.
How do I evaluate this? I’m a man of few words & few people. I’m very very very prioritised of whom I let into the Close Ones Circle. It is their voices that matters to me. Rest is just opinions & noise for me. Similarly, the kind of person we want to become is equally dependent on the kind of people we’re regularly exposed to & the intensity of their open-minded perspectives as much as the kind of informational self-growth we attain.
This is why having extreme diversity in best friends & close ones circle matters so much. Otherwise, the intensity of narrow-minded status-driven toxicity is high. Since we associate our core emotions to these people, their perspectives on us & our actions can have drastic effects on us — deep in. We don’t give a shit about the people & their rants outside these circles. If you do, you clearly need to unlearn & relearn a lot of stuff.
Everyone has opinions about everything & everyone else. It is perfectly fine too. Free Country. Freedom of Speech. There’s two sides of a coin & there’s always both, good & bad sides — & people. What matters is the voice choose to accept. This lies within a tiny line difference. You shouldn’t be neither too arrogant to accept your flaws at the same time nor too over-confident to think you’re above everyone else.
This fine line of maturity is what differentiates the very very small set of good people, who’re the minority in the world. They’re extremely down-to-earth & open-minded enough to accept differences & mistakes in a healthy manner. There’s a real-lack of such people around the world. If you don’t see even one around you, be one. Radiate the change you seek.
So, you’ll be wondering — how to seek this diversity? Well, the answer is simple. Expose yourself to different environments, different cultures & diverse kinds of people. This is obviously take time, but it is definitely worth it. We grow so so so much as a person. At the same time, the key is not to associate yourself with any singular type of identity or culture that it dominates your entire personality. This isn’t healthy for self-growth. I’ll tell you why.
I believe that titles restrict an individual’s personality. When you define yourself with a specific title, you give the indication to the world about your entire personality into a specific keyword. Why this is dangerous? We’re all multi-dimensional beings with diversely pivoting interests. Being social animals, we’re over-deeply concerned about others perception of ourselves & we tend to fit in to satisfy for the same.
When we’re being accepted within a certain circle for a specific title, when you as a person start showing changes in interests, it is not necessary that the circle should reflect the same, unless it is an open-minded one. So, naturally you’re now distanced from the tribe. Taking this experience too personal, we start to cut-down our personal growth to fit-in & become socially acceptable. This is the root problem.
At the very core, I define myself as a seeker, in pursuit. As much significance we give to the pronouns we use, I believe it is equally important about the titles we impose on ourselves, even subconsciously. Even society, in a nutshell operates with every person introducing themselves with their work-identity. There’s nothing immoral with this. But, humans are nasty beings. Being a status-driven society, we treat people on basis on the hierarchy of respect associated with that particular title. This kind of treatment is toxic.
We may have learnt all these things unknowingly, being part of different cultures, from home, school, college & social circles. It is definitely not our fault for the past. But, we do have the choice to unlearn a lot of this toxicity. This begins with the quest for truth & morality. An appetite for what’s true & false, what’s right & wrong, reasoning with facts & proofs, in first principles over consensual analogies.
Monotonous Perspectives & Status-Driven Games
As social animals, we tend of monotonise our perspective to be accepted & fit into our social circles. The fine of difference between toxicity & open-mindedness falls here. I’ll share a personal experience of mine.
I work in & around tech to make a living. My work falls around the areas of designing, building & selling digital products — design, product & growth in technical terms. Building business, products & skills at the very core are positive-sum games — which means both parties can succeed, make money & benefit without putting the other down.
But, humans beings animals who breed on status over the years of evolution, see everything from an zero-sum perspective — which means, for one to win another has to lose. So, even in a game like tech, the more skillful, tactical & intelligent your, the more chances you’ve for success. There’s literally none stopping one. Not taking into points of privilege, exposure & other elements here since that is yet another discussion with paradoxical tail-ends.
But, how do the people see it? They judge people based on their job-title, the company they’re working for & the stipend they’re receiving. More the status-value for the company + stipend + job-title, the more they’ll be valued. Even their personality & ideologies comes secondary. For the people who’re very early in their careers, this is still understandable since they’re just getting started & have to go through some of this toxic shit to mature. Even I was one such. But, what about the ones who’re fat-ass experienced & still toxic, at it’s peak?
This is among the major reason why I’m trying to make tech & associated stuff just around my work-elements & not allow it be a core ingredient of my personality. I believe we should never associate anything we with out personality & identity, rather just keep it free-flowing, open to anything. This is why I’m trying to build a diverse social circle. That’s why I’m very peculiar to the kind of people I mingle around.
Vibes are contagious. Toxicity isn’t to be compromised with. If being around someone isn’t making you feel good & drains the heck out of your energy, try having an healthy discussion around it. If they’re immature enough to accept their flaws with arguments, it’s time to cut-them-off, howsoever close they be. Our Peace & Happiness should be prioritised over anything. None is coming for us. Choose your Circle Of Happiness, very very selectively.
At the end of the day, Don’t Seek Consensus. Quest For The Truth.
Once & Last.